pendulum

you
me
us
we
never
took
that chance
to be
whatever
might have been
lost
beyond
all scope
and repair
twisting
turning
longing
yearning
it ain't gonna happen
just a pendulum swing
between dreams and reality
between what we are and meant to be
and there's no going back
or forward
or even staying still
stuck in perpetual motion
of no movement at all

Unspoken

it should be so easy to complete the sentence
yet tongue knotted in red ribbons
of all that can not be spoken
or will not be uttered

my mind
silenced by the doubt that dwells within
weighted down by heart and reason
callous and roughened by your touch

my heart
a garden path you've trodden upon and into
a house you've torched for vindictive pleasure
and cast adrift on this sea of sorrow

My body
a temple that you desecrated
stripped me bare and left wanting
a false idol you toppled with no second glance

I'm the casualty of your indecision
a by product of not knowing what you want
living only in pockets of here and now
and its never enough to satisfy

You stepped back into the shadows
into unknown places, untouched spaces
where I neither knew nor could follow
taking my heart away

i offered all
yet cannot sway you
to and fro you swing
temperature rises and cools and rises

and cools

and i wait for it to rise again
for that brief moment
where I am enough and everything
and our 'WE' stamps out your fear
and you let go by holding on to me

US

I stand here
waiting in the shadow of your indecision
don't know what you want or think or feel
so we tippy-toe around
a familiar beat

playing games or mating ritual?
whatever it is, it's not enough for me anymore
this dance
hiding myself away
stuffing down the rising tide of being in love with you

and these feelings keep coming
like a summer downpour
all blues and honey toned
warm and inviting and
I wash myself away in you

I lose myself in those tangible moments
brief and bittersweet
when I and You are all that is in the world
and earth and time and space no longer exist
just the US we create in a stolen embrace

Your arms speak to me in months and years
Your kiss tells me the story of our grand love affair
and I see myself reflected in your eyes
this makes me smile and long and hope
and despair

Is it contradictions or fear that bars the way?
or just good old fashioned blindness?
Fight or flight is inevitable
what do you want?
Cause I want you

I gave my heart to you

I gave my heart to you
packaged it up in bows and ribbons
and moments filled with all consuming joys
and lent it- as a long term offering- to you
given, if so desired, for a life time
a life term

I would have gladly sacrificed my dreams
to build a monument to your own

given my last breath if you had want or need

I would have loved you
like no other can or would or will

given my all to make you my everything.


but it still would not have been enough

to the depths of the sea
or to the height of the stars
beyond imagination or actuality
my love was without end or bounds

I gave my heart to you
knowing that you would only break it
gave it anyway because it was you
and my heart desired pain over practicality

I built my castle in the sky
tethered by my hope of your love
and watched hope falter and fail
under the weight of obligations

and now here i lie
alone in these complications
mind muddled by reality
every thought clouded by you

I gave my heart to you
and now i take it back
bruised, battle weary and bloodied
forevermore to sound a broken beat

broken love

you take me down
with a blow to my heart
and gutted i fall to my knees
blinded by what was love
turned to dust and bile

face washed in bitter regret
longing just a stifled hope in my chest
pushed down and away
deep recesses which break into nothingness

my love was my deceit and despair
a cruel joke of fate's design
made crueler still under your touch
and by my misbegotten belief that this was "it"

my heart enslaved to yours for all intents and purposes
and you deny me my soul and desire
burdened instead with insatiable appetite for unrequited love
if that is what it ever was

consumed

consumed by grief i put my love away
draw closed the curtains
shut up shop and house and being
and lock up my heart
so that love lives here no more
and will not abide again

Love will find no safe harbor here
and i will not guarantee safe passage
or that its moorings will not break free
and smash the vessel upon my broken shore

consumed by my emptiness i toss love aside
like a mistress cruel and indifferent
where love has become a tired old has-been
no longer fit for human consumption
or worth the trek down foolish fantasies
and garden paths or beaten tracks

Love is but a fugitive
a figure of speech
an unwanted desire with no point or purpose
a disease that shackles one to futile wants
and i don't need to taste the bitterness of such sweet desire

consumed

Get Me Off This Carousel

get me off this carousel
this roundabout and ferris wheel
always on the same old strand
leading back to no mans land
waiting in vain fantasies
plagued by all uncertainties

and you
this mirage before my eyes
who cruelly left me without goodbyes
who stole my heart and crushed my soul
who brings me life and makes me whole

break me out of this cage of lies
where silence is full of heart mournful cries
where promises are covered by dust and grime
and loving you is my life's crime

take me away from this loving space
where every look i glimpse your face
and joy has sounded her retreat
your love lost is my defeat

my love sprung up like summer weeds
choked all thought and sense and needs
and left me here broken and bound
but you don't care, you're not around

hate took love by the hand and cut its throat
a sea of sorrow yet hope keeps afloat
hate brandishes a scar upon my back
holds high a mirror to all i lack

i lack you

get me off this carousel
this roller coaster
this one way hell
lead me far from all I think and feel
for you love me not, you are not real