broken love

you take me down
with a blow to my heart
and gutted i fall to my knees
blinded by what was love
turned to dust and bile

face washed in bitter regret
longing just a stifled hope in my chest
pushed down and away
deep recesses which break into nothingness

my love was my deceit and despair
a cruel joke of fate's design
made crueler still under your touch
and by my misbegotten belief that this was "it"

my heart enslaved to yours for all intents and purposes
and you deny me my soul and desire
burdened instead with insatiable appetite for unrequited love
if that is what it ever was

consumed

consumed by grief i put my love away
draw closed the curtains
shut up shop and house and being
and lock up my heart
so that love lives here no more
and will not abide again

Love will find no safe harbor here
and i will not guarantee safe passage
or that its moorings will not break free
and smash the vessel upon my broken shore

consumed by my emptiness i toss love aside
like a mistress cruel and indifferent
where love has become a tired old has-been
no longer fit for human consumption
or worth the trek down foolish fantasies
and garden paths or beaten tracks

Love is but a fugitive
a figure of speech
an unwanted desire with no point or purpose
a disease that shackles one to futile wants
and i don't need to taste the bitterness of such sweet desire

consumed

Get Me Off This Carousel

get me off this carousel
this roundabout and ferris wheel
always on the same old strand
leading back to no mans land
waiting in vain fantasies
plagued by all uncertainties

and you
this mirage before my eyes
who cruelly left me without goodbyes
who stole my heart and crushed my soul
who brings me life and makes me whole

break me out of this cage of lies
where silence is full of heart mournful cries
where promises are covered by dust and grime
and loving you is my life's crime

take me away from this loving space
where every look i glimpse your face
and joy has sounded her retreat
your love lost is my defeat

my love sprung up like summer weeds
choked all thought and sense and needs
and left me here broken and bound
but you don't care, you're not around

hate took love by the hand and cut its throat
a sea of sorrow yet hope keeps afloat
hate brandishes a scar upon my back
holds high a mirror to all i lack

i lack you

get me off this carousel
this roller coaster
this one way hell
lead me far from all I think and feel
for you love me not, you are not real

it could be feelings or a bladder infection

This poem is from a male view point on being brokenhearted:


balls busted by that thing called love
or whatever it might have been
i prefer to think of it as indigestion
not gonna readily admit that you broke me down
that all that is left of me are the tattered remains of a lesser man
i condemn my feelings
feelings!
pass me another beer so i can forget that i feel anything at all
or ever did
feelings
i suffocate them
search out and destroy like a heat seeking missile
it could be feelings
or a bladder infection
I'm gonna go with that
or anything else
as long as it ain't close enough to the truth
that feeling this way about you,
about anyone at all,
is not what i want to do or be
so i take these 'feelings'
wretched and over-rated
and shove them down
bury them deep
pile on dirt and stuff and things
till nothing is left of love or 'feelings'
till I'm left with my hollowness
love is for the living
and I'm just a grave of a being

I Hate You

I hate you

No
That's not right

hate is a four letter word
too small to express

Loathe?
Despise?
closer to the depth of how I feel

No
that's not right

Hate is just a feeling
but not the truth

And I despise myself
for loving you

I wait
for my love to turn
to wilt away

I wait
for the arduous heat of hate
to ravage my soul
and make me whole
again

I wait
for love to cool
and for hate to become more than
thought or feeling
but my truth for you

I hate you

No
that's not right

I love you

I love you

I love you
it's truth
3 simple words
all for you
spoken in secret
like a quiet hush in a sanctuary

I love you
can't help myself
my heart
yours for the taking
even the breaking

It's worth the wound
the festering, poisonous,
gaping wound
that you might leave me with
when you take my heart away
and deny me yours

I love you
It's that simple
can't deny
won't lie
just flow into what it means

Love is you and I
entwined
rewind the past
and come back to me
regret is still savored
for my love
though lost on you
still sweet
ever present
ever lasting
I am yours
you are mine
for this moment

I love you still

I am

I'm like a gutted fish
insides splayed out
and there is nothing left
besides blood and gore and what I used to be

I'm like a fallen tree
stripped bare
toppled by shifting sediment
where cool winds howl through my hollowness

I'm like a changing tide
coming and going
restless in my surging forward and streaming back
tumbling in sand and sea and salt and swell

I'm like a lovestruck girl
whose heart was freely given
and returned to her in piles and buckets
and torn asunder

No, not like;

I AM

I AM a lovestruck girl
who gave her heart freely, without fear or reservation
a heart with your name written upon it
a name you destroyed
and burnt down the bridges of hope
and stole all joy and innocence

and you left me here
and here i remain
wallowing in the remnants of my grand love affair
(or delusion as most might name it)

maybe I'm just a broken toy you tired of and cast aside

or the punchline of an all too bad joke

This is a death sentence
and I am a prisoner of my own design
trapped here without you
yet you are the one constant on my mind

am I on yours?

once?
often?
ever?
never?

I'll not know for sure whether I was real for you or just marking time
but it doesn't matter what I am to you, if I was anything at all,
I know what you were to me and what I AM now, molded by your own imperfections
and what I will be, when tears cease and love springs again under the direction or another masters hand

The Universe is a Bitch

The Universe spat you back out at me
after I'd long put you to bed and rest
and washed away my love for you
but remnants remained
like a fine silt over my heart
and the Universe saw this and knew
that love, once had bloomed,
could bud forth again
so the Universe,
Spiteful Bitch
brought you back
to taunt and tease
to make me see
that all is nothingness without you
The Universe knows this
and mocks my pain
tantalizing me with thoughts of you
Spiteful Bitch
to take my love and make it shame
to rip apart my joy, dressed in all its finery
and render me hopeless in my knowledge
that
With you, I AM all
convergence of perfection
whole and happiness entwined
and with you is never to be

fragments

You were my hopes and dreams
love incarnate
formed out of hidden tears and secret longings
you were the unspoken wishes i could not bear to say aloud
least I break the spell
wildest imaginings could not have perfected such want
or need
You were everything to me

this girl, fool of fools
my desire a fickle mistress
love captured
the ecstasy brief
and nothing gained
but bitter truth that I built you out of ether
with no concrete foundations to set my feet or rest my head
you were just a figment, a shadow
and yet I broke myself upon you
I broke myself into a thousand tiny fragments
and I called them
sorrow
shame
pity
pain
agony
anger
humiliation
humbling
deceit
despair
these fragments, with edges jagged
cutting me deeper
ribbon-ed and raw
stretch out alongside the shell of who I used to be