Need

need to get it out
this thing that struggles within
like a torment ingrained
carried around like a long lost friend
housed beyond the call of duty
this pain and self denial
deep seated hurt from eons and ages and eras
that i have laid claim to
and given safe harbour
even poured upon the ashes of my love
and fed it my dreams, bruised and ripped up
this thing that holds me
burrows into me
stains me
and yet i let it cling
dig in its nails
tighten the restraints
burden
bludgeon
break
comforted in its clutches
crawl into that safe small space
stunted by my own worst enemy
and i need to get it out
cut it loose
salvage all that is still left of me

lost in this feeling

lost in this feeling
this feeling inside my chest
hollowed out
filled in
washed away
decayed
the nothingness that consumes absolute
slow beat
grind to a halt
bleed out

lost in this feeling
this feeling inside my head
dull ache
thoughts banished and billowing
return full in fury
trespass notices rise
mind erodes
shoulders stoop under weight of discontent
overburdened

lost in this feeling
my brokeness, rampant
fear anticipates, feeds, fosters
grows....dissipates
peace seeps in
steadies,
stays,
rises
hope for moment without sting
or festering wound
new day
fresh start
this could be it
renewal of strength and resolve
open eyes
lost in this feeling
this feeling that it is worth the fight