reborn

I have been reborn

Like a Phoenix, rising from the brokenness of all that has been

I turn my face to the sun, kissed by its amber tones

Its warmth sets fire to those dormant spaces and I bask in its glory

I have been reborn
Like a swallow that found its wings, freedom to soar
My flight takes me away into the heavens where hope resides
The breeze a gentle current that carries me up and I glide on golden rays

This is my time

Rooted deep, peace begins to settle

Soul has recollection and rejoices

My heart, once uninhabitable, now thrives under this new starlight

This new starlight guides me home
to that place where love is no longer a forsaken mistress but a frame of mind
and love crowds all my spaces with sweet fragrance

and calls me its own

I have been reborn
Like a plant lying in wait for the spring
Surging forth from the undergrowth, stretching out towards the sky
The spring rains a soothing balm, the sun offers a sweet caress and I find my strength

I have been reborn
Like a soul once lost and now found
And I turn my heart over to this starlight, embraced by its honeyed hues
And melt into this brave new world of being

you get it

There is no one quite like you
a force to reconcile oneself to
and it's pleasure
engaged in the conversation
idiotic tones to all but each other
a language reserved for someone who understands
you get it
nothing more need be said
and there are those that do not understand
can't comprehend
and whisper in tones of anxiety and resent
but we pay them no mind
for love need not be explained or defined
you just get it
and did you know that you saved me?
gave me freedom to step up
shine out
that flicker of light to my beacon
ready to steady me if i should falter
and pick me up if i should fall
you get it
gave me room to grow and breathe and be
and reflected back to me what i already knew but misplaced
relics of a forgotten peace
hope that had run stagnant
still you saw the residue that life had yet to sweep away
breathed into me anew
and you just get it
you get me

today

today
she had never paid much mind to it
given it no second glance
caught up in what had been
or just might
and overlooked the 'what was'
focused on the failings of all the things she could not change
and the fear of what was still to follow
the present, an illusion,
a forsaken moment
but it was all she had
the here and now
just this moment
broken by the next
snatches of time
that slip away
unseen, unnoticed
yet mourned for at a later date
she could not love today
for she did not see it
she yearned for her dreams
but could not see that they were to be born out of this moment
a birthing right she denied herself
and so she stumbled on in this pretense of existence
like a pauper who had been given an unrealized treasure
hiding it away for a raining day
never knowing its worth
and she spent her days in false attempts to live
never really living
always looking back or thinking forward
never satisfied with this seconds passing
and missing the point

just to be

just to be
there in that place
where time holds its peace
and i breathe in
the stillness of serenity and being
mind ceases its rage
and heart thuds along in a frantic pace
and i am full
the air swollen with promise
like heavy rain clouds dipped low
grey with anticipation
shards of light piercing through
reflecting
spilling up and over
chasing shadows
reaching into long forgotten spaces

just to be
here with you
where all is each other
and there is only this moment
always this memory
and hearts beat in prose
complete
a world fashioned out of desire
need builds it's quarters
and want overflows, grows
longing a burden to be savored
and we take it all in
give ourselves to it
reaching into each others soul

just to be
here with you
there in that place
together, alone, as one

intoxicated

intoxicated and i can't break away
wanna breath you in
bring you to the brink of me
and tumble down
into each other
and no voice could sound as sweet
or take me to that place where we reside
just the you and I that can't be defined
and i'm intoxicated by the feelings flow
wanna hold it close
and lose myself in surrender to you
falling through the wasteland of what was
and finding who i am
i'm intoxicated by the way you stare at me
the language that silence speaks
and the touch of your kiss
careening off the well worn path
into a track made by our own two hands
forged from ancient wisdom of forgotten time
when the world began and ended with us

intoxicated and i won't let go
captured by grace
wrapped in your embrace
and this is all i know and ought to know
that i'm intoxicated

she would survive

she would survive
life punctuated by all things in between
like everyone else, there was nothing special to her misery,

except it was her own

she would survive
accept the inevitable sorrow and joy
sloshed together in one global mess
burdened by this reality:
that life is hardly beautiful
and beautifully hard

she would survive
letting him come in and then the exit
always the exit
long, short
it didn't matter
eventually it all goes the same way
him gone
and her heart taken

she would survive
friends who marched in and took up residence as rivals
silken lies wrapped up with string and pretty packaging
hiding the knives and poison and misplaced rage

she would survive
her own insecurities and sabotage
the frequent whispers in night that plotted against her
plots of her own imagination

she would survive
to rise up
beyond all traps and tribulations
and fly away from the fear and harsh realities
getting lost in the beauty of what could be
and who she was

she would survive

unbidden

You come unbidden into thoughts
a relentless torrent of all I'd rather forget
Can't seem to let you go
despite fingers outstretched in surrender
I gave myself away
lost myself in the hope of you
only to find that hope a desolate being


and i had loved you
or at least a close approximation of affection
and had built in edifice to lay myself upon
in your name i had lost myself


if i imagine long enough
i can recall the touch of your kiss on my shoulder
the weight of your fingers interwoven with mine
your breath in my ear
unbidden desires stir, rise, still
saturate my waking thoughts
til the hurt blisters
and the dams burst


it had been an all consuming love affair
i had bled out
and you had marched on
time continuing on in your favor
you unaware or unaffected by my demise



time has healed, but still you come unbidden
reckless wandering into those swept up memories
a tumbling effect of thought and feeling
and a pang of regret still lingers
ever so soft

the unexpectedness of you

my love

the unexpectedness of you

when i had all but given up hope

and labeled myself a lost cause

and reconciled myself to my fate

a fate neither despised or admired

for you had become a dream

a thing that lived on in desires

and secret longings

but would stay an apparition

a shadow of my imagination

and i would remain here alone

then, the world shifted

and the planets aligned

 

and there you were

no longer a figment or false hope

a living breathing entity

willingly offering up your love

with no fear or reservation

just that deep seated knowledge that we had called out to each other

that distance and time were no measures for our love

and our souls had come home

locked to each other as perhaps they had always been

i did not need to see your eyes to know

for your voice betrayed you,

just like my own,

and the music of our pulses, racing for each other,

hummed loudly in my ears

its beat in ebbs and flows of bliss and storm and calm

it's no use explaining what language is inadequate to express

and so we use the word 'love' born out of necessity to lay claim to the crescendo of joy that rises

and it is not enough, cannot be enough

this small word cannot hold the magnitude of what is building

nor can it convey that which has had neither beginning nor end

it just is

so, my love,

the unexpectedness of you

becomes my hearts freedom

and you take my breath away every day just by mere existence

we give into the beauty of our souls collision

just freely embracing the gift of each other

no longer a dream, but reality

a desire realized, savored and recharged

forevermore entwined as the world saw fit to purpose

Stripped Bare

Stripped bare
standing before you
with nothing but my heart on the line
just a girl
with love on her mind
and a foolish hope that you see me
the whole of me
and love me through the flaws and fancy and fantasies

a terminal case
that's what i have
and no amount of eternities offered up would be enough to give you up
would only further drive my need for you
a hunger compounded by obvious distance
though distance is immaterial in matters of heart and mind 

you, ever-present,
like a carousel
twirling around
burrowed deep within
so that my first thought begins with you
builds the framework of my day's house
and resides as that last fleeting peace before dreams reconcile us


i stand here
in naked honesty
as an offering
my heart no longer my own
my breath strengthened by the knowledge you exist
and i am stripped bare
fledgling love my gift
the whole of me
utterly yours

The journey

it starts
falters
fails
still she rises
follows that yellow brick road
and never ending pathways
leading off in tangents
small winding trails
and broad highways
follow the rivers edge
stand at the cliff top
and the roads shoot off
stretch out
a thousand journeys of grand adventures
and simmering heartache
love, the treasure sought
remains at best, a luxury only glimmered
never fully explored
still worth the chase
she thinks
she feels
so she chases the illusion
running down cobble stoned streets and tracks beaten in by time and weight
the dust on her feet and back
her eyes glisten with the promise
cheeks soaked at every dead end path
still she turns and treks on
sometimes blazing a trail
forging a new frontier
determination set on her face
the weight of past loss still a burden  across her shoulders
but she carries it willingly
grateful for its substance
the pain that encumbers her
embraced for the simple joy of being
vulnerability an asset, not just a curse
her feet battle weary
her heart a vacant lot trampled by many
and the footprints remain embedded there
each a twisted treasure of who she has become
strength endures
rises and follows the movement of the stars and sun and moon
and she takes flight
alights
as the roads stretch out
from one consequence to another

surrender

something about the surrender
warm honey flows
and throbbing need
where sea meets sky
and worlds break apart and come together
and i sear the memory of your touch so it becomes a part of my being
peaks of ecstasy as we delve into heart and soul and mind
flowing into the other with a divine grace
it's meant to be
this surrendering of all, to each
and the world is a mere design of our expression
our hearts beating their love song
perfect timing, this awakening
and one cannot be without the other
born of each other into a forevermore
savoring the insatiable growing want
the need to be
to have, to hold, to know
surrender so sweet and easily done
no need for words or reflections
or dissections
just a deep seated knowledge
spoken in a language that belongs only to us
and the world can only watch the spectacle
and marvel at the rarity of this thing
this wondrous state of surrender

each other

I let you in
gave away my secrets
bared my soul
and you did not run or shun me away
embraced my vulnerable state of being and called it "beautiful."
and loved all the parts of me, even that which i myself struggled to behold
stripped the layers back,
explored each part of me
and loved me more
and you gave yourself to me
an open book to be read and written upon
and let me find safe haven in your caress
I let you in
pulled down the walls
and scraped away the paint and plaster and dust
left nothing hidden
and you claimed me as your own
kissed away my troubled mind
and settled in with a calm and ease and joy
a complete state of mind and being, from two forms, now one
hearts from two origins now beating in unison
and you gave yourself to me 
losing yourself in that place where you and i reside
exquisitely woven together as if from the heavens

she builds her strength

theres nothing else to give
nothing left to say
worn down
washed away
ground to dust
reshaped into a lesser thing
and she cannot do this again
builds strength to walk away
before it all comes crashing down
and she is left battered and broken
and her heart beyond repair

her heart quite enjoys the beat of him
restless in its growing need
eager for the collision

foolish heart! always running rampant
never stopping to second guess
or take a breath
just headlong into the fray
all giddy hopes and anticipation
heart races
fears not
does not lie in trepidation
just embraces the moment

but fear sets itself to mind
whispers its secrets
points out and picks upon that deep seated insecurity
that perception, that love cannot stay here
love never stays
never actually is what it calls itself
and she second guesses the feeling
unable to trust her judgement or her hearts longing
she expects the destruction
the harsh implosion of her perceptions
and pulls away
readies herself for the fall out
and she builds the strength to walk away
as she knows she must
but her heart cries out
and she cannot listen to anything but that beat
and its all she knows and wants to know
it urges her to give her all to him, come what may
fear plots against her in ebbs and flows
but for the moment she builds her strength to stay

i love you (take two)

there need be no rhyme or reason

no explanations for the rhythm within 

love, in all its myriad forms

sears itself

and you move in

snatching up my heart and making it yours

i willingly offer it up to you

without fear or reservation

for my heart belongs to this moment

had been waiting for this moment

waiting to belong to you

and i love you

an honest truth

with no blinders or coverings or expectations

just a joy that brims from places unknown

and i love you

for all that i know and am yet to know and may never know

a simple pleasure in the certainty of this feeling

and not needing to put words to it

and i love you

freedom in stating the obvious

in giving myself to it

so that there is no way to know where your heart stops and mine begins

i love you

instinct rises and we belong together

did i exist before your entrance or was i just marking time?

for every fiber now hums with your energy and mine entwined

and i love you

wholly and utterly and explicitly 

for there is no other choice left for me

but to interlace my heart to yours til time ceases and we are lost in each other

this heart beating

this heart beating
softly
at first
rising to a crescendo
loud in my ears
coloring the world in
shades of glorious tones

happiness
sparked by yellow gleam
lit upon my soul's horizon
and it fits well
this light and noise and fire and cadence

this heart beating
a pulse
entwined with yours
mixing into each other
til they bleed into one
and beat each others name
harmonious rhythm

peace
perfectly aligned
settles into the depths
nestled
expanding the layers of my desire and joy and need

this heart beating
calls deep unto deep
and finds no end or boundary
just infinite scope for all that we can be
no longer separate entities
each a part of the other
synergy harnessed and defined