Falling

You told me not to fall
and I fell anyway
at least a little bit
enough to hurt now

I promised myself that I would not fall
that you would not become another failure to add to my list
I fell and failed
again

in vain I found myself falling
tripping over soft words and gentle caresses
til it all seemed to make sense

You told me not to fall
even when you said you might be
and false hope was given
and I found myself wanting to believe in you

foolish heart
ardently admiring
yet just another blunder
a gaping black hole in the vortex of my sanity
and I am humbled yet again
by my inability to sway you to me

It's not the way I planned this
mess of such magnificence
all I know is that
when I am in your arms
I fall a little more
drop the reservations
drop the guard
fall

falling into an abyss where my heart splinters
and love is a tangled knot in the pit of my soul
lifespan reduced by repeated attempts at what I now deem impossible
and I am a lesser being
all the while, falling
free falling into my own demise

You told me not to fall
and I fell anyway
at least a little bit
enough to bleed out