Ache

I wasted time and breath
heart opened slowly, softly, after much coaxing and inward turmoil
I was not willing to give it away
to sacrifice it upon your altar
for fear that this is where I would return to
this point where my heart is stripped bare
and aches from festering wounds and the loss of another possibility

Ache
that is all this heart of mine knows
rampant, raw, real
pain is a constant companion
my one true friend
never to leave my side
always is

I put one foot in front of the other tumbling time and again
braving the muck and mire for a gleam of beauty
finding only dirt and cold and revile
and hating myself a little more with each passing fancy
this ache colors out all other feelings
fading hope and joy, partners in crime that have long departed my company
leaving me with nothing more than a bitter taste in my mouth
and deepest surge of sorrow
aching for that which will always and forevermore be out of my reach
and all I have to cradle to me is this ache
my bastard child neither wanted nor abandoned
giving myself to it
consumed by it