The lie

the heaviness in the pit of my stomach resides
and i can no longer live in my self delusion
tis a lie...all of it
what you say and what i hear
and that feeling of soaring
love
before the thunderstorm of reality
such fantasies i have
bittersweet and full of promise
and all a lie
caught up in the mystery and the 'want to be'
captured by my own need
imprisoned by it
when in the stone cold light of day there is nothing
but a silly girl with a broken dream in her heart
holding onto a lie in vain attempts to breath it into truth
and i can't keep riding the coaster
or this carousel
spinning me off and around
and your words mean nothing
silken promises on a string
like a spiderweb bringing me into the slaughter house
and i gave myself to you
foolish girl and her fantasies
for you were just a dream
a single thought that spun me into new heights for a while
til the cradle dropped
and the sun scorched my love
and turned it to ashes
and all that is left is me; wretched being
another broken heart come undone
i really should stop the fall
this oh to familiar pattern of love and rejection
thought it would be different
that this was the break away point
but you are the same as all the others before
an illusion
and i'm left with the bitter taste
and sullen truth
that i am unlovable
even to you
even to myself
a bigger lie still