the walk away

she packed up her heart again
sickly sweet feeling gnawing at her from the pit of her stomach
but it had to be done
this walk away before it became too much
she had already fallen so hard
so completley
given over her heart without a second thought
or backward glance
but the feeding frenzy had begun
a plague had settled
and her mind was telling her to run
so she shook aside the yearning to stay
the peace that had soothed her soul for a short while
and rode aback the beast of her discontent
it was better this way
get out now
get out clean
get out before her heart was irrevocably broken
who was she kidding? it was already broken
and the shards caught in her eyes and throat
and made her cry out
for him
but she had already begun to stem the flow
block his view and keep him at bay
it hurt
but it was a necessary wound
self inflicted
a preservation of sorts
for she knew if he broke her completely there would be no recovery
her love for him grew out of each moment
tore into her mind and soul
a delicious discomfort
but fear would have its say
its way
so she began to pluck away at her feelings
bottle them up and bury them
and lay no claim on this love that could not be so easily stemmed
though try she must
the walk away
before he caught her forevermore
though her heart had long been his for the taking
would always be
and it was a risk she could not afford
so she packed up her heart
built herself a safe haven
and found herself destitute

It goes on

It goes on
this heart of mine
even when i wished it ill
and tried to stamp out its beat
and banished it from all thought
still
a pulse can not be so easily silenced
a heart born with need to love cannot be quenched
and it goes on
without my resolve or fortitude
it goes on
rising above my defense wounds
and bitter demons
even when i had thought all was lost
and had given over to the fear
and reconciled myself to the emptiness
it goes on
struggles against my indifference and contempt
pitting will against mind
truth against fear
and it goes on
this heart of mine
even when i think it is beyond repair
and no longer in a functioning state
it stirs
beats
clambers for attention
it goes on

The lie

the heaviness in the pit of my stomach resides
and i can no longer live in my self delusion
tis a lie...all of it
what you say and what i hear
and that feeling of soaring
love
before the thunderstorm of reality
such fantasies i have
bittersweet and full of promise
and all a lie
caught up in the mystery and the 'want to be'
captured by my own need
imprisoned by it
when in the stone cold light of day there is nothing
but a silly girl with a broken dream in her heart
holding onto a lie in vain attempts to breath it into truth
and i can't keep riding the coaster
or this carousel
spinning me off and around
and your words mean nothing
silken promises on a string
like a spiderweb bringing me into the slaughter house
and i gave myself to you
foolish girl and her fantasies
for you were just a dream
a single thought that spun me into new heights for a while
til the cradle dropped
and the sun scorched my love
and turned it to ashes
and all that is left is me; wretched being
another broken heart come undone
i really should stop the fall
this oh to familiar pattern of love and rejection
thought it would be different
that this was the break away point
but you are the same as all the others before
an illusion
and i'm left with the bitter taste
and sullen truth
that i am unlovable
even to you
even to myself
a bigger lie still

sranswitt

we are sranswitt

broken pieces that fit together
two separate wholes
complete in each others presence
we are sranswitt
cut from the same cloth
and stitched together
a single union of solid lines
we are sranswitt
each a part of the other
intricate design of form and fit

where you and I melt into perfection of we

sranswitt

and it has begun
this journey of perfect alignment
when i had all but given myself to the loss
and abandoned all hope
a small step
that's all it took
one small step
and the dark was peeled back and how brightly did the sun shine
and i felt the embers heat
and gave myself to it
this place where mind and matter meets has become sacred ground
this place where my heart rests
and my soul has found its equal
and we are as we were meant to be
before time had stirred
before the earth had substance
before the dawn of all that was to come
there was us
sranswitt